lies from within...

I think I’m living a lie. Am I really happy? Do I really know what I want? No.

I don’t even know why I try anymore. It’s like I’m in it alone, when I shouldn’t be. Fuuuuccccckkkkk.

Day 2: patience

So I have been at my current job for 4 years now and it’s time to go. As I began to apply to tons of jobs it had me thinking what I really want to do in life. The only problem is I have so many things that I want to do. I blame it on my personality. I could see myself as a doctor, nurse, teacher, hairdresser, artist, baker, or a plain old stay at home mom. All these things would make me soo happy because I enjoy doing them all. But I figured none of them can happen now, so I have to wait and so other stuff. PROBLEEEM. I hate waiting and right now I’m stuck at my old job, waiting for two jobs. And if one doesn’t come through… ill cry.

:: day 1 

Without you, well it was really lonely, I missed you so much. I really do love you and I mean it. I don’t want it to be over. It sucks that when I feel this way you don’t really trust me.. but it is my own fault.

::uhhh, happy happy..

HAPPY

to be continued…

Don’t worry, he’ll miss you. You’re the best he could get, and he blew it. Don’t let him make you think for one second that this was your fault. It’s not. He screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn’t. And honestly, he’s not mature enough. He’s not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. But he didn’t, and now he’s gone. But don’t you cry. Don’t call him telling him you miss him. Don’t IM him, don’t message him, don’t comment him, don’t talk to him in the hallways. Just pretend you don’t care. And don’t be surprised when he comes crawling back saying he made a mistake. And if you want to go, go with him again. But make him work for you. Don’t be his doormat. Don’t let him in the first time he rings the bell. Make him come back every day until you trust him enough. If he doesn’t come back after a couple of tries, just let him go. But if he comes back every day, then he’s worth it. Trust me .. he’s worth it.

adreamfromameow:

(via maelenesays)

:: the way i feel..

I wish I could really write down the way I feel. Honestly I’m torn. I really love him and I care about him more than anything. I don’t know why it is this bad. I feel like I want to cry but crying doesn’t solve anything but create more heartache. I don’t know what else to say or what else to do.. It sucks.